The Living Dead

Ever since I was a little girl I have been afraid of zombie movies and the thought of zombies in general.  The way they look in movies, the way that the living dead is depicted as a rotting corpses, and even the Michael Jackson extended version of "Thriller" gave me the chills when I was a kid.  I started to have re-occurring dreams of me trying to fight off zombies and it always left me with this extreme fear burning in my chest ever since my exposure to zombie films.  I have had the settings change according to current events in my life in reality.  Details in my dreams as far as who I was living with and friends that I associated with at that time always made it into my zombie dreams from grade school until now.

I could remember my first nightmare that I had as a child about my life in a zombie dream.  I was watching a Freddy Cougar flick with my two older sisters and my older brother.  We were all huddled together on the same couch and under the same covers sitting in absolute fear because of the gory images of walking corpses.  My sisters would freak out when the walking dead appeared and so I would freak out whenever a scary part was about to come up too.  I do remember not being afraid of what was on the screen before watching my first scary movie.  I didn't get what the big deal was when my sisters and brother sat so close together on the couch before the film started to play.  Later down the line I guess I was so concerned in mimicking my "cool older sisters" reactions that I myself trained my body to react to horror films negatively.  I would hear the scary music build up and instantly freak out. I would have these hair-raising dreams for a few months at a time after the first dream. Every time I went to bed in fright or after just having watched a horror film, it would trigger my zombie dream episodes.

When I moved into my cousin's house in high school I started to have the dreams again.  I had more control over the fearful situations and I felt more safe in my dreams.  My cousin, Chani, was in them and he was the kind of guy that wouldn't shy away from fear.  He would look at fear in the face and laugh.  I respected him and always felt safe whenever he was around.  It was funny that whenever I had zombie dreams at his house we were always holding "down the fort".  The "fort" was his house that in reality was at the top of a hill side culdesac.  I remember waking up just being relieved that I had him with me and was strapped with gnarly guns to fight off the "zombies".  I never really thought about why I kept dreaming about zombies throughout the years but it would scare the hell out of me whenever I woke from one.

Maybe that was it, whenever I was in a stressful situation it would trigger me to have a zombie horror dream.  Maybe it was a way for me to think out my fears and work my way out of a difficult situation that I had to take care of emotionally.  It sounds silly even writing about but now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense.  I was the youngest of the bunch growing up and I would feed off the fear of my siblings which in turn only heightened my fear and stress.  Zombies may be symbolic of my fear.

As an adult I still have zombie dreams that have changed a bit as far as who had the advantage in my zombie attack dreams.  A power shift began because I was more tactical in getting away and participating in fighting off the walking dead.  Rather than hiding from my fears, I learned to "man up", for the lack of a better term.  I would still have scary zombie dreams after a bad fight with my boyfriend and wake up just upset.  I wouldn't mention it because it sounds like a silly dream to be upset about.  The last zombie dream I had was probably the best zombie dream ever.  My room mate, Hayli, was in it and we were shopping with other survivors and my boyfriend.  It was weird because even though I still felt the threat of being potentially attacked, I had built a security around me to feel safe again.  We lived in a iron walled room under a house and went out for supplies whenever we needed it.  The dream that I had when we were safe and shopping was the most weirdest dream I ever had in regards to zombies attack dreams.  I never saw any of the zombies but I knew they were out there.  I didn't let the fear overcome me when I had to go out and I felt safe when I was around my friend Hayli.

I think its funny that I felt safe around her because I do have a lot of respect for Hayli and have grown quite fond of her.  I never really get along with girls and so I think that my dream was pointing towards the fact that there are a lot of things to fear in life but sometimes people or friendship could put you at ease.  She is a good listener, gives me advice based on logics, and loves to shop like me.  So I don't know what exactly triggered my the zombie dream in particular (it probably had to do with something that made me feel afraid) but I know that it had to do with Hayli being a good friend and us shopping?  As far as location I would say that my brain was trying to recreate my living situation in real life.  I actually do live on the second floor of a flat that has a wall that looks out to the backyard.  The iron room in my dream was angled just like so.

The dream moved onto another scene after me waking up in the iron room.  We were in some chain store shopping for supplies and I remember glancing over a section of sewing machines and going down an aisle with aroma candles and incense.  Hayli picked up a yellow box of incense and she was going to put it in her basket and I told her I already bought some of that particular scent.  Its funny because we go through a list of things we need in our heads when we shop for things for the house picking up random items that we need for the house.  I remember her saying that we should try the new yellow incense.  I think my mind was wandering to the incense thought because I remember that a couple days before I wanted to try another incense scent to burn in my room other than nag champa.  We moved on through the store and I remembered that I glanced at some really fancy sewing machines in the dream.  This was probably my mind making a note that the sewing machine that I bought was cheap and I should try to look for a higher quality machine that more reliable.

I didn't quite understand why I was dreaming about shopping with my room mate during a zombie invasion but my guess is that I feel more safe and free when I'm out doing "girly" things like shopping.  My zombie dream was probably triggered by something that I went to bed upset about and turned into a huge to do list for the future.  I do want to try a new scent of incense and I do want to get rid of my current sewing machine because its useless.  So in conclusion I think that the reason why I feel more at ease and in control of my zombie dreams is because I am learning to block fear from overcoming me and thinking situations out without getting to overcome with stress.

Thanks brain, you rock.

The Art of Vanity

Fashion magazines show: thin women, clear skin, latest trends, symmetrical facial features, no tattoos, all white teeth, straight teeth, happy/smirking/suggestive expressions, short catchy headlines, "how to" editorials, wrinkle free skin, even toned skin, perfect symmetrical eyebrows, selling sex, young 20 something's,



Fact:  Signs of aging is airbrushed before printing the final cover release.
Inference:  Fashion magazines depict the beauty of a beautiful woman as a woman that has no physical signs of aging.
Judgement:  Wrinkles make a woman appear unattractive; attractive women don't have wrinkles.
Judgment:  Signs of aging must be hidden to show a beautiful woman.
Judgment:  Beauty is a certain age range.


Fact:  Her front leg is photo shopped to appear thinner.
Inference:  Thinner legs is one feature of sexy body.
Inference:  Thinner legs is something a beautiful woman has.
Judgment:  Thin thighs are sexy and fashionable.
Judgment:  Thin thighs will show the beauty of the human body.
Judgment:  The size of your leg will classify your leg as either being visually pleasing or not.


Fact:  The actress' under eye is smoothed out in the after picture.
Inference:  Under eye circles are smoothed out to show the perfect body does not have under eye circles.
Judgment:  Under eye circles must not be present, otherwise it is not a desirable trait.
Judgment:  Women with under eye circles aren't as pretty with women who have them.
Judgment:  A smooth under eye is something that is a favorable trait and showing other wise might turn readers away.


Fact:  Her hair is made to look symmetrical and voluminous. 
Inference:  The need to have everything look even will show the beauty of a woman.
Judgment:  Having an even looking body, down to the hair is something society favors.
Judgment:  Symmetry of the face will show the beauty of a woman.
Judgment:  A symmetrical face and body is something a beautiful woman has.




Fact:  Her skin is smoothed over to appear lighter.
Inference:  Lighter skin is a beautiful trait.
Judgment:  Lighter skin is something one should try to achieve, women who fall into this category is desirable.
Judgment:  Even colored body is something one should achieve to look visually appealing.


Fact:  Her stomach crease is smoothed over.
Inference:  In order to follow appealing image the stomach must appear flawless.
Judgment:  Ripples or creases when you hunch over is unattractive.
Judgment:  Healthy, flat tummies are sexy.
Judgment:  A creased stomach might appear unattractive.



My obsession with finding photo-shopped fashion magazine covers has caused me to question a lot about beauty and consumerism.  The definition of fashion is something that is trendy or the production and marketing of new styles and goods.  So what is are we to assume for when we see the women on these fashion magazine covers.  If i was to look at the image that I see and just merely name the ideas that the image has or does not have I begin to create a list of what is considered beautiful in the fashion world.  So if i could safely assume women who do not fit into the schema aren't beautiful.  This is a bold statement because not everyone thinks what is produced as beautiful on the covers is attractive.  Some people like women with tattoos, birth marks like moles, curvier bodies and so on.

I spent two days just filing up a folder on my desktop full of before and after pictures of models and actresses on magazine covers.  I then posted some of my findings onto my facebook account to see what reaction I would get from my friends about the covers.  Most people what I had to say about the covers and some just gave a thumbs up to the thought of 'tailored' beauty.  I thought to myself what were the ones that didn't say anything thinking?

The imagery women see have caused most women to become so very vein.  Yes, there are a lot of us that can appreciate fashion and fashionable accessories but when does the shopping for something you don't have end?  Does it stop with plastic surgery, when all your credit cards are maxed out, or does it stop when you just hit a point where you've had enough of what fashion magazines tell you to go after?
Some videos that I'm entertaining the idea of basing my essay on:

You Must Be This Tall

When I think of image culture I think of the images that are put into my mind through high fashion magazines.  I rarely see a beautiful Asian women in front of big time fashion magazines that represent beautiful women (its funny that I said 'beautiful' in front Asian).  I have witnessed through time the changes in ethnicity in front of the covers of high fashion magazines have changed a bit.  Magazine readers could see more women of color in front of Low Rider Magazines and specialty magazines.  What does exactly is this pattern supposed to mean?  What is it saying to women who read and buy these magazines?  Maybe I haven't been paying attention to magazines that much anymore or maybe its true but I really feel that beautiful is defined by the different shades of blond most of time when I refer to these sources.  Isn't America known for diversity and embracing it?  I guess affirmative action for magazines would be absurd.  It would be like 'Disney-fying' fashion.  Disney seems to have the token person for most of the people of the Earth.  Or maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to back up my theory that mainly Caucasian women are seen to represent beauty in American fashion magazines.  But something to think about is even when I did my google image search for fashion magazines it popped up images similar to the women in my image that has been embedded in my thought.  I would like to further investigate the races that have been seen on the cover of these fashion magazines. 

I do stare at the magazines I see at the check out line from time to time but actually doing the research of the history of the models would be an awesome thing to read about as far as body type and skin color.  I do recall as a child seeing women who weren't as thin as the models that we see presently and I have also seen a huge difference in the appearance of eyebrows as well.  I find it really strange that I know that and could point out the past two decades of trends in fashion magazines.  But with fashion trends, favored characteristics of the body change all the time so I guess it will take time to broaden the amount of the women that may be featured in the future to be classified to society as beautiful.

I don't mean to put anyone off when I say that the beautiful women featured on the magazines are only Caucasian but it is simply images that I have witnessed growing up and should be thought about.  Race and religion are always heavy subjects to be talking about but I figured I should state my judgments on the history of these magazines as a viewer and reading growing up.  I once had a status on my facebook page about my friends doppleganger's and it made me think about who would mine be?  There is only a few famous or noted Asian women in fashion so it made me think a bit deeper about the images that I see in front of these magazines and even movies and commercials.  Maybe its because I am an Asian girl that this stands out to me or maybe there's another reason behind all these stylish magazines and their portrayal of beauty.  So am I to assume that Asian women aren't beautiful, if I don't have perfect skin or completely height weight proportionate that I'm ugly?  The thought of fitting the mold of what is beautiful can be debated by so many angles.

I looked into Vogue magazines history into this imagery of beauty and found that there are different magazines tailored to where it has been published as far as nations.  Japan's Vogue features famous Japanese women, Vogue China has famous Chinese women, Vogue India has the same and so on and so forth for 19 other countries.  Whatever sells seems is what the thought that I am getting from seeing all of these magazines.  I guess I can't really blame the magazines for doing what works to make money.

Rosen's theory on brain drain from an over abundance of images in beauty magazines seem to prevail as far as fashion.  Rarely do you see beefy or intellectually thought out articles in these magazines.  It makes you think that some sort of divide and conquer theme is going on here.  Women who buy these magazines might begin to build themselves on the images they see and the articles they read in the fashion magazines.  And women who read books with less images care less about their appearance and rather seek out a different texts to help them define beauty.  Trying to have more women favor magazine articles might be brain draining if the only information they are receiving are from fashion magazines.  That would be terribly tragic if commercialism had that kind of power in images.  Sometimes I would say that for the most part it kind of works.  Especially now-a-days with most of the information in the world is in a sign.  There are signs for bathrooms, traffic, check lines and most of the places we go or facilities we use on a day to day basis.

Just random how-to's seem to be incredibly dominate in these magazines.  So I really have to dig deep when I think about the images of beauty.  Magazines and commericials show the vanity of our culture.  So I really can't bash on the women that they chose to put on these magazines.  Fashion has a plethora of sub-groups that can be broken down as far as presentation.  The fashion industry is directly the reason for make-up lines, nail shops, jewelry stores, clothing stores, and gyms can even be debated.  If images of what is beautiful begin to sway your mind or thoughts on what is beautiful you could be a victim to Rosen's theory of images plaguing the mind.  When do we stop and really think about thinking about the image of beauty further than what we witness in society of the masses.