The Living Dead

Ever since I was a little girl I have been afraid of zombie movies and the thought of zombies in general.  The way they look in movies, the way that the living dead is depicted as a rotting corpses, and even the Michael Jackson extended version of "Thriller" gave me the chills when I was a kid.  I started to have re-occurring dreams of me trying to fight off zombies and it always left me with this extreme fear burning in my chest ever since my exposure to zombie films.  I have had the settings change according to current events in my life in reality.  Details in my dreams as far as who I was living with and friends that I associated with at that time always made it into my zombie dreams from grade school until now.

I could remember my first nightmare that I had as a child about my life in a zombie dream.  I was watching a Freddy Cougar flick with my two older sisters and my older brother.  We were all huddled together on the same couch and under the same covers sitting in absolute fear because of the gory images of walking corpses.  My sisters would freak out when the walking dead appeared and so I would freak out whenever a scary part was about to come up too.  I do remember not being afraid of what was on the screen before watching my first scary movie.  I didn't get what the big deal was when my sisters and brother sat so close together on the couch before the film started to play.  Later down the line I guess I was so concerned in mimicking my "cool older sisters" reactions that I myself trained my body to react to horror films negatively.  I would hear the scary music build up and instantly freak out. I would have these hair-raising dreams for a few months at a time after the first dream. Every time I went to bed in fright or after just having watched a horror film, it would trigger my zombie dream episodes.

When I moved into my cousin's house in high school I started to have the dreams again.  I had more control over the fearful situations and I felt more safe in my dreams.  My cousin, Chani, was in them and he was the kind of guy that wouldn't shy away from fear.  He would look at fear in the face and laugh.  I respected him and always felt safe whenever he was around.  It was funny that whenever I had zombie dreams at his house we were always holding "down the fort".  The "fort" was his house that in reality was at the top of a hill side culdesac.  I remember waking up just being relieved that I had him with me and was strapped with gnarly guns to fight off the "zombies".  I never really thought about why I kept dreaming about zombies throughout the years but it would scare the hell out of me whenever I woke from one.

Maybe that was it, whenever I was in a stressful situation it would trigger me to have a zombie horror dream.  Maybe it was a way for me to think out my fears and work my way out of a difficult situation that I had to take care of emotionally.  It sounds silly even writing about but now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense.  I was the youngest of the bunch growing up and I would feed off the fear of my siblings which in turn only heightened my fear and stress.  Zombies may be symbolic of my fear.

As an adult I still have zombie dreams that have changed a bit as far as who had the advantage in my zombie attack dreams.  A power shift began because I was more tactical in getting away and participating in fighting off the walking dead.  Rather than hiding from my fears, I learned to "man up", for the lack of a better term.  I would still have scary zombie dreams after a bad fight with my boyfriend and wake up just upset.  I wouldn't mention it because it sounds like a silly dream to be upset about.  The last zombie dream I had was probably the best zombie dream ever.  My room mate, Hayli, was in it and we were shopping with other survivors and my boyfriend.  It was weird because even though I still felt the threat of being potentially attacked, I had built a security around me to feel safe again.  We lived in a iron walled room under a house and went out for supplies whenever we needed it.  The dream that I had when we were safe and shopping was the most weirdest dream I ever had in regards to zombies attack dreams.  I never saw any of the zombies but I knew they were out there.  I didn't let the fear overcome me when I had to go out and I felt safe when I was around my friend Hayli.

I think its funny that I felt safe around her because I do have a lot of respect for Hayli and have grown quite fond of her.  I never really get along with girls and so I think that my dream was pointing towards the fact that there are a lot of things to fear in life but sometimes people or friendship could put you at ease.  She is a good listener, gives me advice based on logics, and loves to shop like me.  So I don't know what exactly triggered my the zombie dream in particular (it probably had to do with something that made me feel afraid) but I know that it had to do with Hayli being a good friend and us shopping?  As far as location I would say that my brain was trying to recreate my living situation in real life.  I actually do live on the second floor of a flat that has a wall that looks out to the backyard.  The iron room in my dream was angled just like so.

The dream moved onto another scene after me waking up in the iron room.  We were in some chain store shopping for supplies and I remember glancing over a section of sewing machines and going down an aisle with aroma candles and incense.  Hayli picked up a yellow box of incense and she was going to put it in her basket and I told her I already bought some of that particular scent.  Its funny because we go through a list of things we need in our heads when we shop for things for the house picking up random items that we need for the house.  I remember her saying that we should try the new yellow incense.  I think my mind was wandering to the incense thought because I remember that a couple days before I wanted to try another incense scent to burn in my room other than nag champa.  We moved on through the store and I remembered that I glanced at some really fancy sewing machines in the dream.  This was probably my mind making a note that the sewing machine that I bought was cheap and I should try to look for a higher quality machine that more reliable.

I didn't quite understand why I was dreaming about shopping with my room mate during a zombie invasion but my guess is that I feel more safe and free when I'm out doing "girly" things like shopping.  My zombie dream was probably triggered by something that I went to bed upset about and turned into a huge to do list for the future.  I do want to try a new scent of incense and I do want to get rid of my current sewing machine because its useless.  So in conclusion I think that the reason why I feel more at ease and in control of my zombie dreams is because I am learning to block fear from overcoming me and thinking situations out without getting to overcome with stress.

Thanks brain, you rock.